Sand
by Heslen
Summary: In which Peeta does not have much to thank Wiress for. Written for the Prompt Exchange challenge. Thanks Unattainable Dreams! Warning: It's short.


**Hi there guys! This was a prompt from a monthly prompt challenge. Here is my prompt:**

**"If I had a heart, this would be where I would die of laughter." I had no idea what I could write for this, even what fandom. Then it occurred to me that I could do a crack!fic with some major villain watching the heroes fail epically. I considered Harry Potter, then I realised that I just wrote a crack!fic for Harry Potter involving a funny Voldemort, and I decided to go with something else. That's where I got stuck. Frozen? Nope. The villain isn't quite evil enough. Not Harry Potter, as stated above. I thought about Virals, but the major villain is different for every book. I could have tried Whitney, but she isn't evil, just a girly-girl. X-Files? I haven't even seen them all, and I know nothing about CSM. So not that. **

**That's when I remembered the Hunger Games. Obvious villain, villainous villain, I've read them all and seen both movies, I haven't done a crack!fic for them yet... perfect. Enjoy, I don't own the Hunger Games.**

**Just a reminder that I am NOT Team Peeta.**

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Brooding was one of the President's favourite pastimes. Sitting in the office, the President watched the screens play out. The two young 'lovebirds' kissed yet again. Katniss's braid curled over her shoulder, and Peeta's clumsy attempts at speaking to her were silenced. It was clear he preferred this, anyway.

The President wondered whether the girl was thinking of the other one back in her District. The cousin. Hawthorne. The President knew they'd kissed - smirking, recalling the stupefied look on the girl's face just after, the President called an attendant to bring a drink. The President took a long sip and gazed with distaste into the liquid, red swirling within it. Handing the glass back to the attendant, the President returned to the screens. Katniss was backing out of the kiss, while a lovestruck Peeta gazed after her with dreamy eyes. The President snorted - _he_, at least, wouldn't be much use to the Revolutionaries.

On screen, one of the other tributes - the crazy older lady from 3, Wiress, tossed a handful of sand into the air, singing softly about a baby in a tree. Brooding again, the president wondered who would put a baby in a tree. If it were to control someone, a distraught mother maybe, there were many better ways of doing it. Unless it were just for fun. But the President would never put a defenceless child in a tree for no reason, much preferring to -dare I say it again? - brood as the hours passed.

That, and make up dastardly plans.

And watching the annual Games was always most entertaining, especially with these two.

As the President watched, some of Wiress's sand zoomed up Peeta's nose and was promptly sneezed all over Katniss.

Commentators fell over each other. Katniss shrieked and yelled wordlessly at her 'boyfriend', and was rewarded by he allies shouting for her to shut up, and Katniss replying (loudly) that they were shouting too, and it became an all-out squabble with actual cat-fighting between Peeta and Finnick.

The President sprayed a red mouthful of liquid all over the screen, and a single Avox winced and ran forward to clean up the mess. The President straight-out laughed, for the first time in many, many years. Attendants watched in amazement. Dismissing them with a wave of a hand, the President wheezed back into seriousness, took one look at the screen and burst out laughing again.

Finnick and Peeta cat-fought. Johanna and Beetee yelled at each other. Katniss stood, hands over her ears, singing an off-key chorus of 'LALALALAs' to drown the others out. Wiress threw a final handful of sand and began to eat it instead.

Howling with laughter, Alma Coin dismissed her loyal Avox and closed the door.

She didn't have a heart. But she was dying of laughter anyway.

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**Well, that was... interesting. maybe that's a kind-of!crack!fic. But I can't be sure, because I don't think that exists. I hope you enjoyed. If you wanted it to be funnier, you can check out my Harry Potter story Snitch because I showed it to a friend who now can't look at me without cracking up. Hey, I just realised why they're called crack!fics! Hahaha... Anyway, thanks, review if you want, I won't be offended if you don't.**

**Thanks SO MUCH to Unattainable Dreams for including me in the Prompt Exchange and Otoriosa-kan for the prompt. Hope you enjoyed!  
**


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